girl in lecture

hey there, girl from my lecture class. you sit across the room from me and i always notice when you get there because you have this beautiful long blonde hair that falls all over your shoulders like waves. you are very pretty. we would have really good looking children probably. i would hope they'd have your hair and my eyes.

i've been trying to get the courage up to go talk to you for weeks but you always leave as soon as class ends so i always miss you. i decided last week that today was going to be the day, but to be honest i was kind of relieved when you didn't show up to class today, because i actually had someone else to talk to as soon as class ended. your not being there was the perfect excuse to get out of having to ask you on a date and to get on blog chat instead.

prom

my prom, all things considered, was pretty boring. i asked a friend of mine who i had a giant crush on to go with me, but she interpreted it as "let's go as friends" and then ditched me halfway through the night to get back together with her ex boyfriend. that was unfortunate, but in hindsight i was not a very good dancer.

i just hope she took off the corsage i bought her before they did it. but that's not important.

i also just hope certain members of the female population are ok because certain members of the male population are just useless dicks that aren't worth their time. he will not be the last person to care about you.

YOU COULD DO SO MUCH BETTER

here's another thing i don't get about girls: when you have intelligence that surpasses a peanut, how can you possibly think that only being treated like shit "sometimes" is ok? that's not ok!

that is the definition of an abusive relationship. when you stay with someone in spite of the abuse because when they aren't punching you in the face everything is fine and dandy. being alone is better than being beaten up. and the same goes for emotional abuse. you are worth more than that. if you don't see that yet, i'm so sorry. there is never an excuse to get treated like that.

you. could do. so much better.

barf

that is all i have to say.

depression

can't sleep. good thing my morning class is cancelled, or else i would be screwed. also my roommate is sniffling from his bed because his girlfriend from home just broke it off. and it got me thinking about depression.

on the whole i would consider myself a fairly well-rounded individual. i'm not perfect by any means, and i get sad sometimes, but i've always been able to bounce back. i owe that in part to my parents, who have always been honest and supportive. but i think it's also because i have way too many things i want to do with my life to not want to power through.

the way i look at it is, let's say something really shitty happens that is completely out of my control. i figure i have two choices at this point:

1. get sad and mope around, or

2. deal with the problem as much as i can and move on

i can only control what i do. being happy or sad is my choice, and regardless of how artistically-viable it is to be depressed, i choose most days to be happy. because why the hell not?

care

aw. my mom just sent me a care package. this is a big deal because my mom doesn't send me care packages. that's a very suburban-traditional-gender-roles mom-like things to do, she's always said. but she wrote me a note about how if dad knew how to mail packages over two pounds she would have made him do it so it isn't about gender it's about his inadequacy as a human being. then dad wrote a post script about how his inadequacy made a mean creme-brulee the night before and she wasn't complaining then. my parents are awesome.

let's see what my haul is:

fifteen two-pack reeses cups.

a boston red sox hat (i don't even like baseball but i think it's mostly just to remind me of home)

twenty bucks in quarters and dollar bills (for laundry and strippers. thanks, dad)

a coffee mug with a cat on it

a sweater with a cat on it

the latest two issues of "feminazi magazine"

2 boxes of unfrosted strawberry pop tarts

a 6-pack of socks

my running shoes that i forgot there over christmas break

my parents know me so well. they also wrote me another note (one that wasn't about my dad's inadequacy as a human being) regarding how school was going. school is going well, i'm interviewing for an internship in a week, and that i'm meeting lots of interesting people. i've also just discovered how pretty of a name jane is. it's really simple but it's not boring-simple like mary or betty or something. it's, like, elegant and kickass at the same time. so that's a thing.

anyways, thanks for the package mom and dad! i've already eaten an entire box of poptarts because i didn't feel like putting on pants this morning to go to the cafeteria.

updates and such

just found out that i'm going to have way too much shit to do over the next few months to go home to Massachusetts for spring break, which sucks. i know it's lame but i miss home and my dad's cooking (mom only cooks on special or emergency occasions because otherwise she would be falling into a traditional gender role and that is unacceptable) and the sound of my mom loudly lamenting modern literature's fall from quality and substance. my parents are totally nuts but i love them a whole lot and i've never been more grateful for them than the past few weeks because i guess i never considered just how shitty things could be.

also, it is totally not weird to have a blog dedicated to girls i think are cute. it's not like i'm following them around and taking pictures of the backs of their heads. they are blogs of circumstance and then left at that.