care

aw. my mom just sent me a care package. this is a big deal because my mom doesn't send me care packages. that's a very suburban-traditional-gender-roles mom-like things to do, she's always said. but she wrote me a note about how if dad knew how to mail packages over two pounds she would have made him do it so it isn't about gender it's about his inadequacy as a human being. then dad wrote a post script about how his inadequacy made a mean creme-brulee the night before and she wasn't complaining then. my parents are awesome.

let's see what my haul is:

fifteen two-pack reeses cups.

a boston red sox hat (i don't even like baseball but i think it's mostly just to remind me of home)

twenty bucks in quarters and dollar bills (for laundry and strippers. thanks, dad)

a coffee mug with a cat on it

a sweater with a cat on it

the latest two issues of "feminazi magazine"

2 boxes of unfrosted strawberry pop tarts

a 6-pack of socks

my running shoes that i forgot there over christmas break

my parents know me so well. they also wrote me another note (one that wasn't about my dad's inadequacy as a human being) regarding how school was going. school is going well, i'm interviewing for an internship in a week, and that i'm meeting lots of interesting people. i've also just discovered how pretty of a name jane is. it's really simple but it's not boring-simple like mary or betty or something. it's, like, elegant and kickass at the same time. so that's a thing.

anyways, thanks for the package mom and dad! i've already eaten an entire box of poptarts because i didn't feel like putting on pants this morning to go to the cafeteria.

updates and such

just found out that i'm going to have way too much shit to do over the next few months to go home to Massachusetts for spring break, which sucks. i know it's lame but i miss home and my dad's cooking (mom only cooks on special or emergency occasions because otherwise she would be falling into a traditional gender role and that is unacceptable) and the sound of my mom loudly lamenting modern literature's fall from quality and substance. my parents are totally nuts but i love them a whole lot and i've never been more grateful for them than the past few weeks because i guess i never considered just how shitty things could be.

also, it is totally not weird to have a blog dedicated to girls i think are cute. it's not like i'm following them around and taking pictures of the backs of their heads. they are blogs of circumstance and then left at that.

woman. *shakes head*

sometimes i don't understand women at all. i get that there are psychological reasons for going back to guys who treat you like shit, even if you try to pretend you just want to be friends, but still. there are so many better guys out there. not saying i'm one of them, just saying that jesus, no one deserves to be jerked around. if you truly feel like they are the only person who understands you, you need to meet more people.

oh, and if anyone out there reading is interested, i put up my new graphic design portfolio. samuelwaring .com

here's the thing: growing up with a hyphenated last name is really super annoying. see, my mom was this uber-feminist when my parents got married, so she made sure that both my dad and i hyphenated our last name with hers so that she wasn't absorbed into his family, they were absorbed into each others. like, that's fine, and pretty honorable, but people are always asking me, when they hear my name, "ok, but what's your real name?"

shit, dude, lockie-waring is my real name. but the more i thought about it, the more i started realizing that my two last names represent the different sides of me. lockie is my artist name, waring is my professional name. so when i'm just chilling and drawing silly cartoons of shit, i'm sam lockie, like i am on this blog. but when i'm trying to get a job interview or publishing my legit portfolio online, i'm samuel waring. they're both who i am, but no one ever said i had to use them at the same time.

yeah. so that's my long explanation of how to deal with a hyphenated last name. hope this was enlightening for you.

the girl in the cafeteria

my roommates and i were eating the shitty cafeteria pizza when you and your friends walked out of line. you wore jeans and an oversized hipster sweater but i won't hold that against you because it looked really good on you. not that i'm objectifying you. not that anyone reads this blog to care if i'm objectifying you. whatever.

even though you're blonde and i usually don't go for blondes you were really pretty and i couldn't help but notice the way you only have one dimple, on your left cheek, and you seem to smile really easy. i could fall for a girl with a smile as easy as that one.

but then jim threw a greasy pepperoni at me and i had to beat his ass so you must have left after that. oh well.

in other news, i got an a- on that water logo. not bad. i'm definitely liking college, and i'm glad my brother convinced me to stay past one semester. second semester ROCKS!

how's that for capitalization? ziiiing.

the girl from the library

i'm going to pretend your name is lisa. you look like a lisa. i was studying at one of the far corner desks when you walked in, all red hair and legs. i'm only five ten so you might actually be taller than me but that's fine because i'm not one of those shallow traditionalist guys that needs to feel completely dominant. because guys like that just annoy me.

you were turning in a jack kerouac novel. i haven't read him but i just wikipedia'd him and apparently he writes spontaneously and about all sorts of topics like promiscuity and buddhism. cool. you must be smart.

you're probably the kind of girl who wore glasses well into high school and then decided to switch to contacts just to throw people off your nerd scent. i can dig it.

i was going to get up and ask you out to that hipster coffee shop downtown but then you left and i had homework to finish so i decided to let you go. hope i don't regret that later. i probably won't, because the homework i had to finish was a mock logo for a fake water company and it looks badass.

i'm glad no one knows i have a blog. i feel like i lose dude points every time i crush on a girl from afar based on her literature choices and not her ass. not gonna change my name, though, or give people whose names i actually know nicknames, that's too much damn work.

lisa, if you ever read this, your ass is nice too.